Sunday, 18 October 2015

BUDAYA MENGHUKUM DAN MENGHAKIMI PARA PENDIDIK DI INDONESIA

https://www.facebook.com/groups/182047648480885/permalink/1051599021525739/

Ditulis oleh: Prof. Rhenald Kasali (Guru Besar FE UI)

LIMA belas tahun lalu saya pernah mengajukan protes pada guru sebuah sekolah tempat anak saya belajar di Amerika Serikat. Masalahnya, karangan berbahasa Inggris yang ditulis anak saya seadanya itu telah diberi nilai E (excellence) yang artinya sempurna, hebat, bagus sekali. Padahal, dia baru saja tiba di Amerika dan baru mulai belajar bahasa.
Karangan yang dia tulis sehari sebelumnya itu pernah ditunjukkan kepada saya dan saya mencemaskan kemampuan verbalnya yang terbatas. Menurut saya, tulisan itu buruk. Logikanya sangat sederhana. Saya memintanya memperbaiki kembali, sampai dia menyerah.
Rupanya karangan itulah yang diserahkan anak saya kepada gurunya dan bukan diberi nilai buruk, malah dipuji. Ada apa? Apa tidak salah memberi nilai? Bukankah pendidikan memerlukan kesungguhan? Kalau begini saja sudah diberi nilai tinggi, saya khawatir anak saya cepat puas diri.
Sewaktu saya protes, ibu guru yang menerima saya hanya bertanya singkat.
"Maaf, Bapak dari mana?"
"Dari Indonesia," jawab saya.
Dia pun tersenyum.

BUDAYA MENGHUKUM
Pertemuan itu merupakan sebuah titik balik yang penting bagi hidup saya. Itulah saat yang mengubah cara saya dalam mendidik dan membangun masyarakat.
"Saya mengerti," jawab ibu guru yang wajahnya mulai berkerut, namun tetap simpatik itu. "Beberapa kali saya bertemu ayah-ibu dari Indonesia yang anak
anaknya dididik di sini," lanjutnya.
"Di negeri Anda, guru sangat sulit memberi nilai. Filosofi kami mendidik di sini bukan untuk menghukum, melainkan untuk merangsang orang agar maju. Encouragement! " Dia pun melanjutkan argumentasinya.
"Saya sudah 20 tahun mengajar. Setiap anak berbeda-beda. Namun untuk anak sebesar itu, baru tiba dari negara yang bahasa ibunya bukan bahasa Inggris, saya dapat menjamin, ini adalah karya yang hebat," ujarnya menunjuk karangan berbahasa Inggris yang dibuat anak saya.
Dari diskusi itu saya mendapat pelajaran berharga. Kita tidak dapat mengukur prestasi orang lain menurut ukuran kita.
Saya teringat betapa mudahnya saya menyelesaikan study saya yang bergelimang nilai "A", dari program master hingga doktor.
Sementara di Indonesia, saya harus menyelesaikan studi jungkir balik ditengarai ancaman drop out dan para penguji yang siap menerkam.
Padahal, saat menempuh ujian program doktor di luar negeri, saya dapat melewatinya dengan mudah. Pertanyaan para dosen penguji memang sangat serius dan membuat saya harus benar-benar siap. Namun, suasana ujian dibuat sangat bersahabat.
Seorang penguji bertanya, sedangkan penguji yang lainnya tidak ikut menekan. Melainkan ikut membantu memberikan jalan begitu mereka tahu jawabannya. Mereka menunjukkan grafik-grafik yang saya buat dan menerangkan seterang-terangnya sehingga kami makin mengerti.
Ujian penuh puja-puji, menanyakan ihwal masa depan dan mendiskusikan
kekurangan penuh keterbukaan.
Pada saat kembali ke Tanah Air, banyak hal sebaliknya sering saya saksikan. Para pengajar bukan saling menolong, malah ikut "menelan" mahasiswanya yang duduk di bangku ujian.
***
Etikanya, seorang penguji atau promotor membela atau meluruskan pertanyaan. Tapi yang sering terjadi di tanah air justru penguji marah-marah, tersinggung, dan menyebarkan berita tidak sedap seakan-akan kebaikan itu ada udang di balik batunya.
Saya sempat mengalami frustrasi yang luar biasa menyaksikan bagaimana para dosen menguji, yang maaf, menurut hemat saya sangat tidak manusiawi.
Mereka bukannya melakukan encouragement, melainkan discouragement. Hasilnya pun bisa diduga, kelulusan rendah dan yang diluluskan pun kualitasnya tidak hebat-hebat betul.
Orang yang tertekan ternyata belakangan saya temukan juga cenderung menguji dengan cara menekan. Ada semacam unsur balas dendam dan kecurigaan.
Saya ingat betul bagaimana guru-guru di Amerika memajukan anak didiknya. Lantas saya berpikir, pantaslah anak-anak di sana mampu menjadi penulis karya-karya ilmiah yang hebat, bahkan penerima Hadiah Nobel. Bukan karena mereka punya guru yang pintar secara akademis, melainkan karakter hasil didikan guru-gurunya sangat kuat: yaitu karakter yang membangun, bukan merusak.
Kembali ke pengalaman anak saya di atas, ibu guru mengingatkan saya. "Janganlah kita mengukur kualitas anak-anak kita dengan kemampuan kita yang sudah jauh di depan," ujarnya dengan penuh kesungguhan.
Saya juga teringat dengan rapor anak-anak di Amerika yang ditulis dalam bentuk verbal.
Anak-anak Indonesia yang baru tiba umumnya mengalami kesulitan, namun rapornya tidak diberi nilai merah, melainkan diberi kalimat yang mendorongnya untuk bekerja lebih keras, seperti berikut. "Sarah telah memulainya dengan berat, dia mencobanya dengan sungguh-sungguh. Namun Sarah telah menunjukkan kemajuan yang berarti."
Malam itu, saya pun mendatangi anak saya yang tengah tertidur dan mengecup keningnya. Saya ingin memeluknya di tengah-tengah rasa bersalah karena telah memberinya penilaian yang tidak objektif.
Dia pernah protes saat menerima nilai E yang berarti excellent (sempurna), tetapi saya justru mengatakan bahwa "gurunya salah". Kini, saya mampu melihatnya dengan kacamata yang berbeda.

MELAHIRKAN KEHEBATAN
Bisakah kita mencetak orang-orang hebat dengan cara menciptakan hambatan dan rasa takut?
Bukan tidak mustahil kita adalah generasi yang dibentuk oleh sejuta ancaman: gesper, rotan pemukul, tangan bercincin batu akik, kapur, dan penghapus yang dilontarkan dengan keras oleh guru, sundutan rokok, dan seterusnya.
Kita dibesarkan dengan seribu satu kata-kata ancaman: Awas...; Kalau...; Nanti...; dan tentu saja tulisan berwarna merah menyala di atas kertas ujian dan rapor di sekolah.
Sekolah yang membuat kita tidak nyaman mungkin telah membuat kita menjadi lebih disiplin. Namun, di lain pihak juga bisa mematikan inisiatif dan mengendurkan semangat.
Temuan-temuan baru dalam ilmu otak ternyata menunjukkan otak manusia tidak statis, melainkan dapat mengerucut (mengecil) atau sebaliknya, dapat tumbuh.
Semua itu sangat tergantung dari ancaman atau dukungan (dorongan) yang didapat dari orang-orang di sekitarnya. Dengan demikian, kecerdasan manusia dapat tumbuh, tetapi sebaliknya juga dapat menurun.
Seperti yang sering saya katakan, ada orang pintar dan ada orang yang kurang pintar atau bodoh. Tetapi, juga ada orang yang "tambah pintar" dan ada pula orang yang "tambah bodoh".
Mari kita renungkan dan mulailah mendorong kemajuan, bukan menaburkan ancaman atau ketakutan.
Bantulah orang lain untuk maju, bukan dengan menghina atau memberi ancaman.

Friday, 2 October 2015

32 PHRASES TO STOP TANTRUMS IN 3 AND 4-YEAR-OLDS

Andrea Nair
http://www.andreanair.com/1328-2/

ANDREA NAIR



The trick to communicating successfully with three and four year-olds is to be clever, funny, clear, rested, and to have a method to calming yourself down as fast as possible.
Children this age are often more aggressive and frustrated than they were as toddlers, so being aware of this and meeting their challenging behaviour with strategies and patience are very helpful for all involved.
In addition to trying the phrases I listed in my previous post for toddlers and the ones below, please remember that children do better with full ALIVE tanks and the use of positive discipline. When a child feels important and is guided with limits, boundaries, a friendly tone and empathy, much of the reasons children blow up are eliminated.
Along with my suggestions, I have included helpful phrases that were contributed from parenting educator colleagues and parents from my Facebook page.

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS TRYING TO NEGOTIATE OR BEG:

1. “Asked and answered,” or “You asked, and I already answered.”
2. “You are upset that I won’t give you another cookie. What is a good thing to do when we feel upset?” This puts the focus on managing their feelings and problem solving.
*If you feel your children aren’t listening, consider how you can improve the delivery of your message. Are you repeating? Nagging? Ending something fun? Not reasonable? Talking too much? Expecting more understanding than the child is capable of? These conditions often stop people from hearing you.
3. “What do you need to do in order to feel done?” – When your child is resisting instructions that it is time to go. Also this one…
4. “What can I help with so you feel ready to go?”

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE:

5. “I’m curious what happened here.” (Instead of, “What did you do?!?”)
6. “It is totally okay to feel angry—I would too. When you can, find some words to tell me so I can help you find an answer/get what you need.” – Jenni P
7. “It is okay to be mad, but it is not okay to be mean.”
8. “Calm first, talk second. Do you need help to calm down or can you do that on your own?”
9. “I see you are mad. It is not okay to hurt, break or throw.” If the child continues to ramp up, you might try this: “Is this worth losing ____ over? I am here to help you calm down so you don’t lose ____.”
Use a consequence that is reasonable, age-appropriate and that the child has been forewarned about when everyone is calm. I strongly suggest that families make a calm-down plan so adults and children know what steps to follow when anger bubbles over. Use these elements in your plan:
a) a key-word to remind you of your plan like “freeze” or “stop,”
b) an action to let the “anger bubbles” come out like jumping 10 times, clapping your hands, count backwards from 11,
c) remind yourself to breathe,
d) ask yourself this question: what do I need?,
e) then use your words to say what you need. This hopefully will lead into a problem solving discussion.
The family can agree that if the plan isn’t used and hurting, breaking or throwing end up happening, then _____ will be the consequence. Reassure your child that you will help him/ her with the calm-down plan. This strategy works best when all members of the family use it.

PICKY EATING:

10. “You do not need to eat, but you do need to sit at the table with the rest of the family.” (takes the pressure off and 9 times out of 10, they eat!).  – Sarah Remmer, RD
11. “What can we add to this food to make it super-tasty?” – Also from Sarah Remmer.

SLEEP:

12. “Mommy and daddy feel so great because we were able to sleep because you did such a great job of staying in your bed all night long. Thank you so much!” They want to make us proud and contribute to our own well-being. It’s important to let them know when they’ve done so. – Alannah McGinn
13. “Sleep is where our body and brain grow! I can’t wait to sleep tonight.”
14. “Later, after I tuck you into bed, I can’t wait to read my book and climb into my own cozy bed and sleep” from this wonderful NY Times Motherlode piece by Heather Turgeon, co-author of The Happy Sleeper

FRUSTRATION:

15. There are four steps/ phrases to handling frustration:
a.  Show your child you see his or her upset (this helps your child feel important).
“You threw the car—I see you are upset.”
Put a hand on your melting-down child and softly say, “I know, kiddo. I know.”
b. Use a feelings word.
“Your brother took you car and now you look angry. Is that right?”
c. Pause, giving your child time to process these first two steps.
d. Help your child move into rational thought by asking a question that focuses on problem solving or to find some words to explain.
“Do you need a 1) Break, 2) To try again, or 3) Help?”

WHEN/ THENS (OR AFTER/ THEN, FIRST/ THEN) CAN ALSO BE USED IN MANY SITUATIONS:

16. “When your hands are clean, then I know you are ready to eat.”
17. “After tidy time, we can certainly start a new puzzle.”
18. “First we brush our teeth, then we can get the LEGO out.”
19. I try to set expectations, situations or transitions for my four-year-old. I usually say, “______ first, _______  second” and I try to make the second thing something he wants. ex: “dinner first, dessert second.” -Jamie W

TO DIFFUSE A POWER STRUGGLE:

20. “Can I help you _____?” It puts them in the place of power. We’re just there to help. This has really encouraged cooperating in my 3-4 year olds. You could even add, “I love working with you” or “can you show me what to do/how to do it?” -Andy Smithson, MSW from Tru Parenting
21. “Are you going to put the puzzle away now or after you wash your hands?”
22. “Shoes.” “Potty.” “Teeth.” One-word cues instead of lecture. –Lisa P-W
23. “Do you have a way you want to do this?” is one of my favorites. Gives the child a chance to take the lead and taps into their inner motivation and problem solving skills. I have a post that is similar here! (post) -Ariadne Brill from Positive Parenting Connection
24. “It’s out-the-door time. Are you coming to the mudroom on your hands or feet?” (Try walking on your hands)
25. “I also used to have a hard time doing XYZ when I was your age—is there anything I can do to help you?” –Rivka Caroline
26. “Who is brushing your teeth? Mommy or Daddy?” (Pick Daddy, pick Daddy.)
27. Say you’re looking for an expert on road safety, shoelace tying, hand washing. Act like you’ve forgotten how. They’ll soon take charge and show you what to do -Amy P

WHINING/ DEMANDING:

28. “I can hear you’re frustration, but can’t hear what you need. Try again, I’m listening.” -Brandie H
29. “I’ll be able to hear you when you use your regular talking voice.”
30. My 4.5yo can ask for something quite rudely so I calmly say to him “Ask me again in a kinder way” which allows him to practice his manners without feeling like he’s being reprimanded. Also if he whines or only uses one word, I’ll say to him “Can you repeat that in a sentence that I can understand?”  -Jill T
31. “Thank you, mama”, “Please, mama” after they have demanded something, as a reminder of a kinder way of using language. No shaming or judgment: I just would say what I wanted to hear, how I wanted to hear it. They would repeat it back to me and we would move on. Or they wouldn’t, and we would still move on – Casey O’Roarty of Joyful Courage
32. One of my favorites: “Can I get a Yes, Mama!?” I always say it in a playful way and usually get an exuberant, and affirmative, response back. If there’s a little bit of tension, this seems to help break it. Also, when I ask Cee to do something, I ask in a genuinely respectful way that shows how much I value her help. “Cee, I could really use your help. Would you mind giving me a hand with setting the table?” And then “Thanks SO much for being such a helper today. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I have a newborn, and I’m really asking for a lot of help from my 4-year-old right now, and she’s almost always willing to help when she feels truly valued. – Alice Callahan, PhD from Science of Mom
Want more parenting help? I’m so excited to let you know that these phrases plus many more are available as an app for your mobile device! The App is called “Taming Tantrums“: Click here or look to the right side-bar more information>

Tommaso's Baby Carrots

http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/david-rocco/tommasos-baby-carrots.html
David Rocco


Photo: Tommaso's Baby Carrots

INGREDIENTS












DIRECTIONS
In a pot of boiling water, cook the carrots for a few minutes until fork tender. 

Put the carrots into a bowl, along with a few tablespoons of water from the pot. Add the Parmigiano cheese, extra-virgin olive oil andmash carrots with the back of a fork. Let cool to room temperature before serving to babies (or big babies).

veggie nugget

Cheesy Veggie Tots

Posted by BuzzFeed Health on Wednesday, 30 September 2015